


I Want it that Way

by gc4465



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 70 years, Artist Steve Rogers, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Peggy Carter, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes & Peggy Carter Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky is sad, Canon Divergence - Avengers (2012), Captain Marvel (2019) Spoilers, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Howard Stark is an ass, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Minor Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa, Only mentioned though, Peggy is not good, Protective Tony Stark, SHIELD Agent Bucky Barnes, Tony is Bucky's nephew, but only in the beginning, she gets nicer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 03:38:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19287352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gc4465/pseuds/gc4465
Summary: “James, are you alright?” His mother asked him softly.“Steve is dead.” He replied, his voice cracking. “For two years, and everyone’s moved on. Except me.”Becca wrapped her arm around him. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I can’t help you, but I can offer my shoulder to cry on.”--ONESHOT--AKA the one where Bucky survives the fall and ends up living 70 years waiting for Steve





	I Want it that Way

**Author's Note:**

> This took like 3 days to write and is the longest completed story that I have ever written. I hope you enjoy.

**January 1945**

 

“I had him on the ropes.” Bucky wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. Steve had just evidently threw his shield knocking a guy out that Bucky was trying to fight.

 

“I know you did.” Steve replied with a small smile, and jeez, Bucky wanted to kiss him right then and there, until another shooter arrived ruining the moment. “Get down!” Steve yelled, and the two dropped to the ground.

Bucky was breathing hard and he reached out for Steve’s hand, because that’s all he knew what to do. Grab Steve’s hand when he was scared, when Steve was scared, because that’s what they did before the war. Bucky wanted the war to be over so bad, to go home with Steve, but he doubt that it would happen. 

 

That’s when a hole was blasted through the side of the train, pushing Bucky back. He heard Steve scream. “Bucky! Hang on! Grab my hand!” Bucky reached up and tried, but the wind was powerful. 

 

“I love you.” He whispered, and then fell.

 

“No!” He heard Steve scream, but Bucky kept falling, and falling and falling. Until everything went black.

 

**June 1947**

 

Bucky woke up with a gasp, and hands that were once on him were removed. Loud shouts filled his ears and suddenly, he realized that he was alive. Somehow, in someway, he had survived the fall down that cliff, but the real question remained. 

 

Where was Steve? 

 

Bucky managed to pull himself up, but felt very light on his left side, and nearly screamed when he glanced over and saw no left arm. 

 

He managed to keep himself calm however, well as calm as he could be in a stressful environment where he had no idea where he was. Had Hydra finally gotten him? 

 

The door opened and Bucky’s eyes shot up wildly, terrified on who would walk through that door. It was Agent Carter.

“Sergeant Barnes.” She spoke, her cold, crisp accent coming through. 

 

“Agent Carter.” He replied coldly. It’s not that the two of them hated each other per say, it was more of the fact that Bucky knew that she liked Steve and he was a jealous bitch. 

 

“Sergeant, a lot has happened.” Carter began, but Bucky couldn’t help but blurt out the one question he wanted to know the answer to.

 

“Where’s Steve?” 

 

Carter sighed and sat down at the edge of the bed. “James, it’s been two years.” 

 

Bucky felt like the air had been pushed out of him. “What?”

 

“Everyone thought you were dead for the past two years.” 

 

“So you’re saying that it’s-” 

 

“1947? Yes.” 

 

Bucky winced. Way to be blunt Carter. “That doesn’t explain where Steve is.” 

 

Carter took a deep breath and began to explain. “About a week after you ‘died’ we found a way to come after Hydra. We stormed the base but the plane, the  _ Valkyrie  _ it got up into the air, with bombs heading for New York City. Steve, he uh, he crashed the plane Barnes. He crashed it and he died. I’m sorry.” 

 

Bucky’s head began spinning, Steve was dead? His innocent little Stevie, the man who he fell in love with on the playground at 6 years of age, was dead? He could feel the tears coming, but he tried to stop them. But how could he? How could he when Stevie was dead. 

 

He shuddered and pulled in a sob before croaking out. “Anyone else?” 

 

Carter stared unmoving, unblinking, practically emotionless. She shook her head. 

 

Bucky felt relieved at that, before wanting to just sob. “Do I have a place or?” He quietly asked. 

 

“I believe we kept your old apartment. SHIELD is currently paying the rent and will continue to do so until the end of this year.” 

 

“Right, what’s the date?”

 

“June 17 1947.”

 

“Thanks.” He muttered. Bucky then stood up, and quietly left the room. Agent Carter made no move to follow him or stop him. 

 

He seemed to be in a medical faculty of some sort, and a few questions to the staff got him to the front door, where he promptly ran into Howard Stark. 

 

Yeah, Howard wasn’t the best guy at least in Bucky’s utmost opinion. He was a bit creepy, a ladies man, and had no respect for them either, rather to get themselves in his pants. 

 

“Barnes!” Stark greeted him with a clap on the back, as if they were old friends. “How are you my friend?”

 

“Oh you know, my best friend is dead. How are you?” 

 

Stark winced, before putting on a smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll find Captain America my old friend.”

 

Bucky growled slightly, readjusting himself so that his left arm felt better. “I couldn’t give a rats ass about Captain America Stark. Find me when you find Steve Rogers. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go home and cry.” 

 

Bucky pushed past Howard and headed into the real world. Which was Brooklyn. Luckily, Bucky knew Brooklyn, and he figured out pretty quickly that he only a few blocks from his apartment. 

 

20 minutes later found Bucky opening the door and standing in an empty doorway. A pang of sadness washed over him, and he managed to stumble into the small, cheap apartment that he and Steve had shared. 

 

A blanket was thrown over the couch along with one of Bucky’s old shirts. Clearly although rent was still paid, the apartment hadn’t been touched in years. 

 

The place was thick with dust and cobwebs were stretched everywhere. Bucky plopped down on the couch and coughed when a bunch of dust particles flew up. 

 

He took his shirt that was on the couch and it seemed to be covering something else. Steve’s sketchbook. At that moment, Bucky was hit with the feeling of sadness, and suddenly he was sobbing. Sobbing as he leaned back into the couch, clutching the sketchbook in his arms. 

 

The shirt slipped from his hands, and he let out a pitiful “no” mixed with the sobs. He leaned over and grabbed it and pushed it up to his face, trying to muffle the pain, the sobs he was feeling. But it only made him sob harder. 

 

Though the shirt was his, it smelled like Steve. He must’ve tried to comfort himself with Bucky’s smell before Bucky had to leave for the army. 

 

That’s how Bucky fell asleep. Sobbing, clutching a sketchbook and a shirt, because he was alive, and Steve was not. That was the one thing that he was trying to avoid this entire time. 

 

***

 

When Bucky woke up, his eyes were swollen and he could feel a long headache coming. Right, today was the day where Bucky would attempt to get the apartment cleaned, and maybe visit his parents. Maybe. 

 

Pulling himself up, he made a move to head to the kitchen and start there, when a loud knock came ringing throughout the apartment. 

 

Bucky grumbled to himself and walked over to the door, and pulled it open sharply. “Can I help- oh it’s you.” 

 

“Yes me.” Agent Carter replied. 

 

Bucky rolled his eyes and gestured her in. She wrinkled her nose at the mess but didn’t say anything. “We left the apartment the same, but just cleaned out all the food after the war. We thought it was better that way.” 

 

“Thanks.” He muttered. Bucky had to admit that it would make the day go better, because now he didn’t have to look forward to fact of dealing with moldy old food. 

 

Carter cleared her throat after a few more moments of silence, and pulled some files out of that bag that she had brought in. “These are yours, and information on what has happened in the past few years while you were gone. Since you were never technically KIA, you still have an army pension and it’s in your bank account, that I hope you remember.”

 

Bucky nodded. “Yeah I do.” 

 

“Good. This apartment will be paid for by SHIELD until the end of the year, so six months. Hopefully, you’ll be back on your feet by then. Your things are at this address,” At this point she handed him a small card. “So you can come pick them up later today. Also, Howard wants to meet up with you to build you a new arm. He thinks that it will help you.”

 

“No offense Carter, but Howard Stark is a mad scientist, and I have no qualms of almost dying for another arm. I’ll live, thanks though.” 

 

“Whatever you say Barnes. Just know that he would’ve wanted you to take this.” 

 

Bucky gave a hollow laugh with no humor in it. “You don’t know shit Carter. Please get the hell out of my apartment.” 

 

“Barnes, Steve wouldn’t want this.” 

 

“Well, I don’t give Jack Shit. Steve’s dead remember? You told me yourself. Now please, get out.” 

 

Carter sighed and turned around and walked out the door. Bucky slammed the door after her and sank to the floor. With trembling fingers he opened the file and let out another strangled sob when he saw a picture of Steve, his Steve, right there. 

 

Stevie always wanted to travel the world with him. They talked about going everywhere around the country when Steve was sick or late at night, curled up next to each other, squished together really, on that one bed in their bedroom. 

 

Bucky quietly picked up the files and headed to the kitchen, where he dropped them on the table. Heading to the bedroom next. The bed was dusty and the wardrobe was practically empty, only a few clothes that neither he or Steve had brought to the army. 

 

Another sketchbook was sitting up on the dresser. Bucky recognized it as his sketchbook from when they were teenagers, so that meant that the one in the living room was the one that Bucky got Steve for his 20th Birthday. 

 

Bucky sat down on the edge of the bed, drawing in shuddering breaths, trying to calm himself. He needed to get out of here. Standing up, he made his way to the front door. Grabbing his jacket, he struggled it on, and grabbed the key for the place and shoving it in his pocket. Well at least attempting to before it fell and hit the ground. 

 

Reaching down to grab it, he found a small white card, with the address with his stuff from the army. Bucky shoved that in his pocket too, before opening the door, and leaving the complex. 

 

***

 

Hours of wandering around later left him standing in front of his parents' apartment. Both of them should be here, but he had no idea if they had moved or not. His sisters should be here too. Becca, Kathryn and Lisa. 

 

He climbed the stairs as quickly as he could, and raised his fist, shuddering, before knocking as firmly as he could. 

 

Bucky waited and suddenly he heard rustling around, and a loud “Coming!” It was Becca’s voice. His throat constricted, how could he do this? 

 

The door opened, and Rebecca Barnes stood there. The two stared at one another, before she managed to choke out “Bucky?” 

 

Bucky stepped forward and hugged her tightly. She clutched onto him, tears coming out of her eyes. “Ma!” She yelled. “Ma, Pa, Lisa, Kathryn! Get in here!” 

 

“Rebecca! There is no need for yelling!” Winfried Barnes began before she caught sight of her son. “James!” 

 

Bucky was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and ran to hug his mother. She sobbed in relief while Lisa and Kathryn were jumping up and down with joy. 

 

His father came into the room, and Bucky could see the relief in his face. Many hugs later, Bucky found himself on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hands. He was silent as his family chatted around him, so happy, so full of love. The room was brighter and warmer, unlike his apartment, which he shared with Steve. 

 

Steve. Even thinking of his name Bucky felt himself grow sad. He knew it was pathetic, but the love of his life was dead. How else was he supposed to react? It’s not like anyone else knew either. It was just him and Steve who knew. 

 

“James, are you alright?” His mother asked him softly. 

 

“Steve is dead.” He replied, his voice cracking. “For two years, and everyone’s moved on. Except me.” 

 

Becca wrapped her arm around him. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I can’t help you, but I can offer my shoulder to cry on.” 

 

Bucky buried his face into her shoulder, and the room was silent for awhile. He reached into his pocket and found the paper, and he knew where he had to go. 

 

“I should go.” He spoke, and his mother nodded sadly. 

 

“I know darling.” 

 

“Thanks Ma.” He muttered and stood up. 

 

“Do you have a place to stay?” Becca asked. 

 

“Yeah, our old apartment before the war. It’s still there. I’m staying there until the end of the year.” 

 

“Then where will you go?” 

 

“Dunno yet.” 

 

Becca nodded sadly. “We’ll visit. You better come over to every Sunday dinner.” 

 

“I will.” He promised.

 

Bucky walked to the door and exited the apartment, his family watching him worriedly. 

 

He pulled the card out of his pocket and sighed, looking at it. An address was scribbled on, but Bucky read it pretty well. 

 

Time to go to Queens then. 

 

**December 1947**

 

Bucky knew that SHIELD was gonna kick him out soon. Or at least stop paying his rent. Which he was fine with. His army pension was sitting in the back, gaining interest. No person would ever hire a one armed man, but SHIELD would. He was a secretary, and it took a bit longer for him to type up some documents, but it added to his funds, so Bucky wasn’t complaining.

 

He was currently packing his old possessions that he was planning on selling. Using most of his money, he had recently bought a car, a cheap little thing that worked well enough for him. Bucky taught himself how to drive, and how to drive with one arm also, and soon he got the hang of it. 

 

Maps were piled on the table, clothes in an old suitcase, and Steve’s files and sketchbooks, his prized possessions, in a smaller bag on the floor next to him. 

 

Finally, a loaded gun with seven bullets in the same bag that held Steve’s sketchbooks. That was his most important bag, because in a few days, he’d take all the money out of his bank account, and travel the world. A road trip. He planned to visit every state, every town, every landmark, going all across the country, picking up small jobs until he died. Because that’s how Steve would want him to live his life. 

 

Bucky glanced down at his watch and pulled himself up off the couch. Shoving the last of the kitchen supplies into a box, a knock brought him out of his thoughts. 

 

Answering the door, the woman introduced herself as Bonnie and her husband Clark. 10 minutes later, they had an entire set of kitchen supplies and Bucky had $7.50. 

 

He didn’t sell it for cheap, but it was cheaper than the stores would be. 

 

Shoving the bills into the small bag, he pulled it over his right shoulder. Picking up the suitcase, he dragged/carried it out to the car that was parked in front of the apartment building. Popping open the trunk, he lifted the suitcase and placed it into the trunk. When he slammed it down, he nearly jumped in surprise, when he found Agent Carter standing there.

 

“You leaving Barnes?” 

 

“Yeah. I am.” 

 

He came to tolerate Agent Carter over the past 6 months, but he still wasn’t all buddy buddy with her. 

 

“I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She told him.

 

“So do I.” He admitted. 

 

Carter leaned over and hugged him, and his breath caught in his throat. “I’m sorry that it had to end this way.” She told him with a soft smile.

 

“I’m sorry too. But it’s time for me to leave New York. To leave Brooklyn.” 

 

“It’s not everyday that you leave the place you grew up forever.” 

 

Bucky shook his head. “Not forever. When I’m an old man, I’ll be back.” 

 

Carter sighed and shook her head. “I hope your back sooner Barnes.” 

 

“Call me James. Or Bucky.” 

 

“Then you can call me Peggy.” 

 

“We’ve got a deal Peggy Carter.”

 

“Yes, I believe we do James Barnes.” 

 

“Do me a favor?”

 

“Anything.” 

 

“Kill me.” 

 

He watched as she physically recolided. “I’m sorry, what?” 

 

“You’re a government agency aren’t you? Can you please erase all records of me ever surviving that fall?” 

 

“James, why?” 

 

“Because I want to live my life without being known as ‘Captain America’s best friend’. If I’m going to be known for something, I want to be known for giving my life for him, not still being alive while he’s dead. The world knows who I am. The least I can do is pretend that I’m dead.” 

 

Peggy hesitated. “James, I can do that, but you gotta at least send me a message every once in a while. So I know that you aren’t truly dead.”

 

“Peggy, I can do that. But please, erase me.” 

 

“The next time we meet, you will be dead.”

 

“It’s better that way. Goodbye Peggy.”

 

“Goodbye James.” 

 

Bucky climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled off the bag off his shoulder. He tossed it into the front seat and started the car up. He glanced to his rear view mirror and saw Peggy standing there, watching. Pressing on the gas, he pushed the car forward and began making his way out of Brooklyn. Onto a new life. 

 

**1948**

 

Bucky had visited New York and pretended that he was a tourist, he’d also went to Maine, and was currently in Washington DC.

 

“Hey!” Someone yelled. “Yeah you! The one arm guy!” 

 

Rolling his eyes, Bucky turned around and some guy was running towards him. When the guy stopped, he looked up grinning. “Sergeant!” 

 

Bucky coughed, before realizing who it was. “Gabe?” 

 

“Barnes!” Gabe Jones cried and hugged him. “We thought you were dead! What happened? How are you still alive? And what are you doing in DC?”

 

Jones rattled off the questions pretty quickly and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. 

 

“Jones! Calm down! Yeah I’m alive, I was found about a year ago, and I’m not sure how I survived the fall. I’m sorta just traveling the Nation until I die.” 

 

“That’s gruesome.” 

 

“Steve’s dead, I’ve got nothing. What else is there to do?” 

 

Gabe sobered up real quick. “I’m sorry for your loss Sarg. If you need anything, stop by okay?” 

 

“Thanks Jones.” The two hugged again, and Bucky stared up at the Washington Monument once more.

 

He watched as Gabe Jones left again, and Bucky’s thoughts turned to Steve.

 

Pulling out one of Steve’s sketchbooks out of his bag, he flipped to a random page, and it turned out to be a drawing of him and Steve smiling and laughing on the couch as they listened to a radio program. 

 

Bucky flipped to the next one, and there was a drawing that made Bucky’s eyes well up in tears. It was him and Steve, it was like they were staring at the camera. Bucky had his lips pressing to Steve’s cheek and Steve was laughing. 

 

Closing the sketchbook, Bucky held it close to his chest. He felt more tears coming, but he shuddered and closed his eyes. 

 

Steve Rogers was going to be the death of him. He loved that man to much. 

 

**1951**

 

It had been 6 years since Steve Rogers had died, and Bucky was back in Brooklyn for Becca’s wedding. 

 

He arrived at the wedding venue with his bag and the nicest suit that he could come up with. Which wasn’t that nice. Bucky liked to pretend he had more money than he actually did. He did take many odd jobs, and took some really weird ones when he was visiting Florida. 

 

“James.” His mother said sweetly and the two hugged. 

 

“Hi Ma.”

 

“How’s the world my darling boy?”

 

“You know, same old, same old. Nobody really wants to hire a one armed veteran.” 

 

His mother didn’t really know what to say so she awkwardly patted his right shoulder and then ushered him to sit down on Becca’s side of the church. 

 

He sits because that’s all he knows how to do. He wasn’t there for the rehearsal, he wasn’t there for any of it. 

 

Bucky watches as Becky arrives at the back of the church, looking beautiful in her white dress. 

 

The crowd stands and everyone watches as Becca walks down the aisle. She looks happy. Really happy.

 

The vows were said and Rebecca Barnes became Rebecca Barnes Proctor. Everyone cheered and Becca and her new husband kissed up on the altar. 

 

Bucky smiled at Becca’s happiness. When everyone was standing and cheering, Bucky slipped through the crowds and left the church. 

 

Going to weddings reminded Bucky of what he and Steve could of had. Well it’s not like they could’ve gotten married, but Bucky would take any time with Steve rather than none at all. 

 

**1957**

 

Ten years since Bucky had woken up on that fateful day and wished that he was more dead then he was alive. Becca had children, Peggy was married, and everyone was aging. Everyone but Bucky. He still looked the same when Peggy had found him. 

 

He would always look the same. Peggy had a theory that he got a watered down version of the serum by being with Hydra, and now he couldn’t age. 

It was more awful the way Bucky saw it. He couldn’t age. He couldn’t join Steve in death one day. Even though he one day wanted to die and join Steve in that death, Bucky felt no point of killing himself off. There was no point. He didn’t really want to die, but if something happened, he would greet death with open arms. 

But that wasn’t an option for him. At least for along time. Bucky had been almost everywhere there was to go in the US. There was no where else to go, except back home. Back to Brooklyn. 

Bucky drove his now old, beat up car down one of the streets in Brooklyn. He couldn’t have been more tired and beat down then how he felt like now. Why has he come back? It’s not like he had identification or anything. He was a ghost. A ghost who was now back.

His mother was sick, he knew that, his father was already dead. Car accident, two years before in ‘55. It’s like Bucky felt old, but all the kids he grew up with all had kids of their own, some of them who were teenagers. 

Yeah, so Bucky was an old unmarried man, who was still in love with a dead man. But there wasn't any chance that Bucky was going to move on from Steve any time soon.

Maybe if he called up Peggy, he could get a job as a SHIELD secretary. Maybe. So Bucky had an idea on what to do, so he pulled to the side of the road, and found a public telephone. Paying the money it needed, he punched in the number he knew so well.

“ _ Who is this and how did you get this number?”  _ Peggy’s cold voice answered. 

“Hey Pegs. It’s me. James.” 

“ _ James!”  _ She sighed in relief and Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle.  _ “How are you?”  _

“I’m doing well Peggy. I sort of need a favor.” 

“ _ You know I can only do so much for you Bucky.”  _

“Well then let me pay back some of my favors. I’m back in Brooklyn. Hiring any one-arm secretary’s?” 

Peggy sighed into the phone. “ _ I’m only doing this because I like you.”  _

“Thanks Pegs.” 

“ _ SHIELD headquarters. 8:00am tomorrow.”  _

“Thanks again Peggy.” 

“ _ See you soon James.”  _ She then hung up.

Bucky clicked the phone back into the receiver and sighed. Walking back to his car, he got into the driver seat and began making his way to SHIELD headquarters.

**1960**

“Can I help you?” He asked, pretending to be sweet and putting on a fake smile. He was a little busy typing up reports and he didn’t recognize this guy at all.

“Uh yeah, I’m looking for Agent Calsworth.” 

“Reason for visit.” Bucky asked as he lifted his phone and dialed the STRIKE teams number.

“I have something for him.” 

“That’s not specific. So I’ll ask again. Reason for purpose.” 

“I just told you you dumb cripple! Can I see Calsworth now?!” 

Bucky snarled and glared before making his facial features smile for a second. 

“One second sir. I’ll contact Agent Calsworth immediately.” 

He walked around the desk, and made movements like he was going to make a phone call at the other desk.

The man smirked, and that’s when Bucky attacked. He grabbed the man's wrist and twisted it back, and pinned it to his back. The man yelled, but Bucky moved back and then slammed the man's head down on his desk, knocking him out. 

Bucky smirked. “We don’t have an Agent Calsworth.” 

Secretly, Bucky knew that Steve would be proud of him.

Needless to say, Bucky was moved to a more secure location to do paperwork, because according to Peggy, they did have an Agent Calsworth. He just never used the front entrance. 

**1963**

President Kennedy had been shot. Like he was dead, and SHIELD was going crazy trying to figure out who did it. 

Bucky had so much paperwork to do, and more and more people were giving him paperwork to type, to find information on people that were handed to him, to do background checks. 

Even the new President came to make sure that the agents were doing their work. SHIELD themselves had sent some of their best men to guard the President, to make sure he wouldn’t be shot.

With the whole “Civil Rights” movement going on, which Bucky totally agreed with because a member of the Howlies was a black man, Bucky had even more paperwork with the racist agents, and most of them Bucky mis did on purpose in order to express his feelings.

Bucky had also started teaching himself languages to pass the time, because there was nothing going on in his life, and wouldn't for awhile.

So far Bucky had learned Russian, German, French and Spanish and was working on ASL and Japanese. He wanted to learn a whole bunch of languages so that he would be better equipped to help SHIELD, because who needed a one arm veteran? 

Howard Stark asked him multiple times if he wanted him to build him an arm, which Bucky always declined. Throughout the years Bucky learned to tolerate the man, but it still didn’t mean that Bucky liked him. 

A knock on his office door brought him back to his thoughts. “Hey more files.” Peggy said as she entered.

Bucky groaned. “Just put them on the stack.” he gestured to his overflowing basket of files.

“I’m sorry James.” 

“I’m the best at this aren’t I?” 

“You’re the only one I can trust to do it correctly and efficiently. Believe me, everyone is slammed right now.” 

“Well I hope, because I’m working my ass off in here.” 

Peggy laughed. “I’m sorry again James.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I mean, what’s a little paperwork? Doesn’t change anything in my schedule. I’ve got the time.” 

Peggy’s smile faded. “James—”

“Go home Pegs. You need a break out of all of us.” 

“You know I’m the boss right?” 

“Yeah, but right now I’m the boss on how many hours you can work, and I’m saying go home.” 

She sighed and sat down in the chair in front of Bucky’s desk.

“You know I can’t James. Not when there’s a problem out there. Not when there’s a fight to fight.” 

“Pegs, you gotta take some breaks.” 

“I have something for you.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky asked with eyebrows raised.

She pulled a picture frame out of the stack of files that she had given Bucky. She handed it to him. It was Steve. 

Bucky felt his breath catch in his throat, and his fingers reached out and touch Steve’s face. It was a picture of pre-serum Steve, the one that was in all the official army documents for before the serum. 

“Thank you Peggy.” He whispered.

Peggy nodded softly. “It’s yours. Something for you to remember who you are fighting for.” 

Bucky gave a weak laugh. “More of who I am living for.” 

Peggy smiled again. “Even better.” 

**1968**

The Vietnam war was just beginning, and they were doing the draft again. Bucky never swore as loudly as he did once he heard it on the news and came yelling down at SHIELD Headquarters. Lot’s a newbies were terrified apparently. 

Like Bucky really cared, but it still took awhile for Peggy to calm him down. Still Bucky was cursing the entire way. He himself was drafted into WWII and hated every minute of it until Steve came. He couldn’t even imagine what these young men were probably feeling. 

Rolling his eyes at the even more paperwork that was in front of him. Background checks. Background checks on all the men who enlisted and of course the worse, the typing of the draft notices. 

Peggy apologized multiple times once she found out that he was typing the draft notices out, but the situation was out of her hands and into the Presidents. It’s not like Bucky could go directly against the President of the United States, even if Bucky sometimes wanted to strangle a bastard. 

Bucky typed slowly, with one arm. “Dear Mr. Wilson.” or maybe it was a “Dear Mr. Gaag.” Either way it was all the same for Bucky. Draft notice after Draft notice, for these men who would give up their lives.

As Bucky began typing one, he took notice of the last name, and smirked. It was a weird last name, so Bucky just had to laugh. 

Running a quick look at the kid’s files he noticed that he was a good student, black, which didn’t matter, but still the racism going on was awful, and he could get into a good college if he were white. Poor kid. Maybe the army was best for Nicholas Joseph Fury. 

**1970**

Peggy slid into the bar stool next to him. She was silent, he was silent. Everything that had happened in the past year, in America and Vietnam was a bit much for them. 

“I learned a new word today.” Peggy told him. 

“Yeah?” Bucky asked as he tipped his glass back trying to clean it out. It’s not like he could get drunk anyways.

“Yeah, it’s called bisexual.” 

Bucky stilled. 

“That’s what it’s called right? Bisexual. When you like men and women. It’s what you are Barnes.”

Bucky didn’t speak for a little bit before finally telling her, because out of everyone, Peggy deserved the truth. “Yeah, it’s called Bisexual. It’s what Steve and I were. Before the war. During the war, before his death.”

“You didn’t just lose your best friend that day didn’t you?”

“I lost the love of my life. I’ll never forget him, and I can’t ever move on. I’ve loved him since I was 6 years old and first saw him on the playground, and I’ll love them for the rest of my days.” 

“James,” Peggy began. 

“I don’t really want to talk about Steve though. Is there any reason that you brought me here?” 

Peggy nodded. “Yeah actually. Howard has a child. I’m his godmother.” 

“Congratulations! What’s his name?”

“Anthony Edward Stark.” 

“Well, at least he got a better name then I did.” Bucky joked, trying to lift the mood. It worked because Peggy laughed. 

“Yes, he certainly did.” 

“Do you think that that kid’s gonna have a normal life?” 

Peggy sighed. “I wish, but with Howard Stark as his father, I worry a lot.” 

“Make sure that kid survives to adulthood, alright Peggy?”

“Only if you help me.” 

A smile tugged at Bucky’s lips. “We’ll see. We shall certainly see.” 

**1974**

The Vietnam war was over, and Peggy was supposed to be going over potential recruits with him, well supposed to. Instead she was ranting on what a horrible father Howard was. 

“He’s four, James! Four! Howard doesn’t give him the time of day! He built a circuit board last week, and Howard destroyed it! Not to mention that apparently all Howard does is compare him to Steve! Well, Captain America really, but still!” 

“He compares him to Steve?” Bucky asked, eyes blazing. 

“Yes! We have to get that child out of there.” 

“There isn’t anything that we can do Peggy! I wish we could help Anthony, but we can’t. Howard is influential and I’m pretty sure Child Protective Services isn’t going to let a ghost and a director to take over a ‘perfectly capable couple’.” 

Peggy groaned and threw her hands up into the air. “What is the point of being a Director of an intelligence agency if I can’t protect the people I love?” 

Bucky sighed and grabbed Peggy’s arms and pulled them down to her side. “Listen, we can’t get him out of there, but what we can do is love him. Teach him that his father is wrong and that he should grow up with dreams and love in his heart.”

“When did you get so soft?”

“I think it was somewhere between Kennedy and the Stonewall riots.” 

“First off, that’s horrible.” 

Bucky laughed. “You’ll live Pegs.” 

“I hope so.” 

“Alright, aren’t we supposed to be looking for potential recruits?” 

Peggy slapped her hand to her forehead. “Right! Thanks for that.” 

The two began pouring over CIA agents, the top ones, the ones that could be recruited for SHIELD, the highest intelligence system in the US. 

“How about this one? He has an excellent shot.” 

“Oh! I remember writing a draft notice for him! I guess the army was good for him after all.” 

“I’ll set up an appointment then. I also sort of want to promote you.” 

“To what?”

“Interviewing potential agents of course. You’ll start with Nicholas Fury.”

“Seems like this guy likes to go by Nick.” 

**1979**

Nick Fury was an excellent addition to the agency, if Bucky had any opinion, which he did. Peggy was still director, even though she thought about stepping down in years to come. 

Bucky knew that the people around him were getting older, while Bucky was still younger. He could see age on Peggy’s face now, and was now terrified that she would die.

Luckily she hadn’t done a field mission in over 15 years, yet Bucky was still worried. 

Secretly Bucky was glad that she was thinking of retirement. Meant that the stress of being the director would be taken off Peggy, and Peggy deserved a break. 

Bucky was still hiring agents, doing paperwork and half raising Tony Stark, who was already in high school. At age 9. 

Bucky was horrified at how smart Tony was, but at the same time, was ridiculously proud of him. Like any parent should be. 

Peggy sent him a picture of Becca and her third grandbaby. Kathryn had died in a car accident years ago, and Lisa was that old lady with cats who worked her ass off to help kids. She ran an orphanage basically. 

His own Ma had died back in the late 60s, a little over 10 years before, and Bucky, well Bucky was still looking like he was about to be shipped off to WWII, 40 years earlier. 

He had maybe aged a year, but that was it. A year, in forty. Bucky had a long life in front of him, and he sort of liked his job of scaring newbies.

Although if he ever wanted to travel the world, he had the money, and his old car was sitting somewhere in a warehouse. He wasn’t sure which one though. 

The picture of Steve was still on his desk, next to a drawing one. The drawing of Bucky and Steve, Bucky kissing Steve’s cheek like young lovers, because that’s what they were.

The rest of Steve’s drawings were in plastic wrapping, carefully sealed up and placed in plastic coverings, and then stored in a binder, which was under lock and key at Bucky’s desk. 

His office, he basically lived there. He didn’t really have a home, or a house. He went over to Peggy’s when Tony came over, but he had a couch and it pulled out into a bed which was nice. 

A “storage cabinet” held blankets and pillows. There was a coffee machine in the corner of the room and another storage cabinet held his clothes. Bathroom was down the hall, and the locker rooms two floors down had showers. 

Free meals from the cafeteria, Bucky was all set, and that’s all he needed. Home would be with Steve. Whenever that was. 

**1987**

Their really good consultant, and recent field agent, Hank Pym had left SHIELD. His wife had died in an accident on the field.

Bucky felt awful about the whole thing, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Of course he felt bad for Hank. His wife died, leaving him and his 10 year old daughter. Her name was Hope. Fitting, for a man who had lost all of it.

Bucky heard his phone ring, and he sighed before picking up. “Barnes.” 

“ _ Uncle Buckaroo!”  _

Bucky rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Hey Tony, how are you today?” 

“ _ I’m doing great! I’ve had so much caffeine today, you have no idea.”  _

Bucky chuckled over the phone. “I figured Tony.” 

“ _ Rhodey-bear wants to talk to you. I’m not sure why, it’s not like I did anything wrong.”  _

_ “Not this time Tones.”  _ Bucky heard another voice over the phone and figured he was about to talk to the famous James Rhodes, Tony’s best friend at MIT.

“Hello?” Bucky asked. “James Rhodes right?”

_ “Yessir. Tony was wondering if you’d like to attend his MIT graduation but is too tired to ask himself.”  _

_ “Ask him about the arm test.”  _

_ “Tony! Right, he also was wondering if you’d like to be a test subject for a bionic arm that he built for a final.”  _

Bucky stopped in dead silence. A new arm? Bucky had sorta thought about getting one, but he would never ask Howard. Yet here was his son, who built one not because Tony asked, but because he wanted too. ‘He builds things for people he loves.`` Peggy's words from a long time ago came back to him and he blinked back tears.

“Can I talk to Tony?”

There was some shuffling on the phone before the phone was in Tony’s hands once more. “ _ Buckaroo!”  _

“Let me stop you there squirt. Yes, I’ll come to your graduation kid, and about the arm,”

“ _ Is it too much? I knew it was too much. I wasn’t sure if you wanted it or not and to be honest I built it because I was bored and oh man, you’d rather have Dad do it wouldn’t you? I’m sorry this was a dumb idea,”  _

“Tony stop! Your dad has been asking since 1947 to build me an arm, and I’ve always said no. So yes, I’ll be your test subject. Tony, thank you.” 

_ “Are you crying?”  _

Bucky let out a wet laugh. “What makes you say that kid? I love you.” 

_ “I love you too Buckaroo. See you in a few days!”  _

Tony quickly hung up the phone after that. He didn’t like saying ‘I love you’ a lot, so Bucky was proud to say that he was on that list. 

**1988**

The arm was a year old, and Bucky was still trying to get used to it. Added with the serum, he became much more battlefield equipped and started talking to Peggy about going on field missions. 

But first, was grueling training that Bucky had somewhat dismissed over the past few years. It’s not like Bucky was out of shape, no it just was the fact that he now was trying to get used to having two arms. Something that he hadn’t had since 1945. 

Bucky was coming back from his daily run when he saw a nearby newspaper and winced at the title. “ _ 8 y/o Boy Disappears after Mother dies of Cancer.”  _

Poor kid. He took one of the newspapers and paid the man at the stand a quarter. Tucking it under his arm, he continued running back to SHIELD headquarters. 

He walked up to Peggy’s office after showering and changing. Another perk, the arm was waterproof. 

He gave a polite knock. “Hey Pegs.”

“James! How are you doing?” 

“Did you know about this?” He asked as he tossed the newspaper on her desk.

Peggy read the title, and the first few lines of the article. “Peter Quill? No, I didn’t hear about him. Lots of kids disappear James. Next thing you know, I’ll be investigating two circus boys or something.” 

“Specific. Are you?” 

“There’s nothing going on, so I picked the most interesting case! Their names are Clint and Barney Barton. Barney was born in ‘76 and Clint in ‘78

“So, a 10 year old and a 12 year old. Fun.”

“Dad was abusive, lots of fun things on this list.” 

“Real fun. Hope the father is dead.”

“Died in prison after murdering the mom.”

Bucky winced. “That’s real rough.” 

“Tell me about it.”

“Hope you’re having fun.” 

“Hey James?” 

“Hmm?”

“Are you doing anything on Saturday?”

“Wallowing in self pity. Why?”

“Tony and I would love to have you over and maybe some fireworks in the evening,”

Bucky sighed. “You know that’s the only day I take off every year. Thanks, but no thanks.” 

“I probably won’t see you until after. Happy fourth James.” 

“Happy Birthday to Steve.”

“Happy Birthday to Steve.” Peggy echoed and the two sat in silence, remembering their old friend.

**1991**

It was the end of 1991, and Bucky was glad to see it go. Another year past, until Peggy’s frantic calls at midnight. 

“What?” He answered groggily.

“ _ Howard, Maria. Bucky, they’re dead. _ ”

Bucky’s heart jumped. A wave of sadness washed over him. Although he and Howard weren’t friends, he couldn’t even imagine what Tony was going through. Oh shit. Tony.

“Tony!” He yelped. 

“ _ I’m on my way over there now, I’ll meet you there. _ ”

“I’ll call his friend Rhodes.”

“ _ That’s good, hurry though. _ ”

“Try to stop him from drowning in liquor. Please.” 

“ _ I’ll do my best. _ ” With that she hung up and Bucky threw his head down and buried it in his arms. 

Deep sobs racked his body and soon he found himself crying for the one person he couldn’t have. “Steve.” He whispered, rocking back and forth. “Stevie where are you? I need you, please darling, please come home.” 

Bucky sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He worked for an agency that idolized Captain America and he himself was an old man looking no older than 31. 

Bucky knew that the life, the lies that he had held up for the past 40 years were all crashing down on him now. And he couldn’t take it. 

But right now, he had to be strong. He had to be strong for Tony. 

Taking shuddering breaths, he dialed the familiar number of James Rhodes. 

_ “James Rhodes speaking.” _

“Rhodes? This is Bucky, Tony’s Uncle. Something happened. We need you to get to his house immediately.” 

***

Bucky and Rhodes arrived at Tony’s house around the same time, Peggy’s car was already parked in the driveway.

“What happened?” Rhodes demanded as soon as Bucky stepped off the SHIELD borrowed motorcycle. 

“His parents died.” Bucky told him softly.

“Shit.” Rhodes cursed. “How did it happen? Do you know?”

“All Peggy said was that Howard and Maria were dead.” 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” 

“Don’t worry kid. I didn’t lose much.” Bucky patted him on the shoulder and the two made their way up to the doorway, where Bucky gave a slight knock and the door swung open revealing Peggy.

She had tears running down her own face, so Bucky gathered her into a hug. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I am so sorry.” 

Rhodes made his way through the house, in an attempt to find Tony. “Where is he?” 

“In his bedroom. He’s sleeping.” 

Rhodes didn’t need to be told twice and sprinted up the stairs, and soon they heard a door open and then shut again.

“Peggy, what the hell happened. Something tells me that this wasn’t an accident.”

“Supposedly it is.” Peggy replied tersely. “Car accident on the way to a business meeting. If that were the case. Between you and I, it’s not.” 

“Then what did Howard have?”

“Five packages of a recreated version of the super soldier serum, ready to be delivered to a secure vault. The crash sight was checked, the serum is gone.”

“How the hell did you get access to the serum?” 

“Our science team was working on it. A version of it. We weren’t sure when to test it, so we sent it to the vault. But now it’s gone.”

Bucky was silent. He didn’t want to disregard SHIELD’s and Peggy’s reasoning for having the serum recreated, but at the same time, he felt as though the serum should just die.

“Bucky, you know that there is only one group that wants that serum as badly as we do.” 

Bucky didn’t speak again. He knew that she was talking about Hydra. Finally he spoke. “I think it’s time for me to leave SHIELD.” 

Peggy nodded sadly. “I’ve been dreading this day my entire life.” 

“I’m sorry Pegs, but I can’t. I can’t do governments anymore. If you wanna call me up or something, do that, but I’m not going to support a group that has so many secrets.” 

“Alright. I’ll expect you to clean out your office by the end of the year. I’ll give you your full regular December paycheck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” 

He recognized her words from those of what she said to him in 1948. 

“I hope so too.” 

**1995**

Bucky’s landline rang and Bucky glanced up from the book he was reading and groaned. Going over to pick it up, he spoke. “Hello?”

“ _ Hey, so what do we do if some lady shows up claiming she’s from space?”  _

Bucky blinked. “Fury?”

_ “Who else would be calling. Some wacko just came and claimed she was from space. Then, I saw an alien, a real life alien!”  _

“Do you need me to come in?” 

“ _ No, not yet. I’ll contact you on the pager if I need backup.”  _

Bucky groaned. “Alright. Alright. Just don’t do anything stupid.” 

_ How can I. you’re taking all the stupid with you.  _

“ _ Barnes, you still there?”  _

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Spaced out.” 

“ _ No puns please.”  _

“That one was on accident. Good luck with your space lady!” Bucky hung up the phone before Fury could get the last word in. Agent Fury was great, he just had some problems with trusting people and Bucky was one of the few people he did trust. Even if he wasn’t in SHIELD anymore. 

1995 was great actually. Bucky had a nice apartment, Peggy had retired a few months ago, and Tony visited once a month. He was building a tower in Manhattan. Stark Tower is what it would be called apparently. 

Although Tony usually came drunk and was almost always drunk, not eating, not taking care of himself, Rhodes helped as much as he could when he was in town. 

Tony had let it slip that Rhodes, or Rhodey as Tony insisted everyone to call him that, that Rhodey was Tony’s on and off boyfriend. 

So while it seemed to the outside public that Tony was sleeping around with a lot of girls, he really wasn’t. Only when he was really mad at Rhodey, which wasn’t the best relationship, but somehow, Rhodey forgave him every time. Even Bucky didn’t have that much patience. 

Bucky pulled his book out from between the couch cushions where is must’ve gotten wedged in while he was thinking and continued reading. 

**2001**

Bucky liked to pretend that he was well put together, but apparently he was not. When terrorists attacked the US on September 11, Bucky was taking a train to Manhattan, after making sure that Peggy, Tony, Rhodey, Fury, Coulson (Some new guy that Fury kinda adopted, so that meant Bucky did too) and the newest stray of the household, Clint Barton were okay.

Then he headed to Manhattan for cleanup. 

It took several days, cleaning up all the rubble and reading the news, watching and listening to it. SHIELD was busy of course, it was just like ‘63 when Kennedy was assassinated. 

Barton helped a couple times, but the few times that Coulson and Fury joined them for cleanup, all Barton did was flirt with Coulson. Which was really funny to watch. 

Clint Barton was a good guy however. He and his brother Barney joined the circus when they were young and Clint became an excellent marksman with a bow and arrow. Theoretically, also and marksman weapon, but after Coulson brought him in a few months prior, Bucky met the guy and took him under his wing.

Bucky was trying to get Coulson and Fury to bring him into SHIELD, because Bucky knew that Clint would be a good addition to the agency. 

Although Bucky wasn’t an official secretary or an official agent, he was a consultant, and if they needed something translated or the history on something, Bucky knew a lot of stuff, so they came to him. 

But now Bucky was finding himself on cleanup duty. Which was fine, because better that then desk duty and writing up reports on who might’ve committed the attack on the US.

“Hey Boss! Do you think that Coulson likes me?” Clint asked as he bounced over to Bucky. Fury and Coulson were standing aways off, and probably having a private conversation, so they most likely sent Clint to go and annoy Bucky. 

“I think he likes your attitude.” Bucky replied with a smirk. “And quit calling me boss, I ain’t in charge of you.”

“Yeah, I know. But it be like that sometimes.” He paused. “Boss.”

“Clint Barton!” Bucky cried and Clint began laughing. 

“Okay! Okay! I yield! I’ll stop. I promise.” 

“You better.” 

Fury and Coulson walked over to them. “We found something.” Coulson told them as soon as they arrived. 

“Cool? What is it?”

“The guy who did it, or at least planned it was someone named Osama Bin Laden. Was here with other members of the Al-Qaeda on a visa. We’ll go tell the President.”

“Why are you telling us? Aren’t we technically just civilians?” Clint asked. 

Bucky laughed. “I’m far from a civilian Clint.” 

“I know you’re a former SHIELD agent, but like, how former?”

That’s when it hit Bucky that Clint didn’t know. In fact hardly anyone truly knew. Fury knew, but that was it. Almost all the current agents were new enough that they wouldn’t know ‘Bucky Barnes’ the old guy. 

“Clint,” Bucky began. “I should probably begin my story, at least in retrospect.” 

“I mean, alright. Whatever works for you man.”

Bucky laughed. “I was born, grew up, got drafted in a war, survived a fall from a cliff that was that over 200ft, survived under some ice for a couple years, then was found, travelled the US for awhile, became an agent and now I’m here.” 

“So, not some cool life story? What war were you drafted into? All I can think of is Vietnam, but there wasn’t any ice.” 

“You should probably mention the years.” Coulson suggested. 

“I was born on March 10, 1917. I got drafted into WWII, and ‘died’ in 1945, but then came back in ‘47. I’ve been around ever since.” 

“I think I need to sit down.” Clint admitted as he plopped down onto some rubble. 

“I’m sorry for throwing this all on you.” Bucky told him with a small smile. 

“I’m not surprised really, I thought you had a few secrets, I mean, nobody can learn 30 different languages in their lifetime. Not even the best spy. So if you’re from WWII, does that mean you knew Captain America?”

Even Coulson was looking interested at this answer. Fury looked bored, but Bucky knew that he didn’t know the answer, so he was probably interested. 

“Captain America? Yeah I met him a few times. Was a total asshat. Bit of a tosser really.” 

Clint and Coulson stared at him gaping and Bucky laughed. “Now, Steve Rogers? The man under the mask? He was the love of my life. Bet they don’t teach that in History class. That Steve Rogers was in love with a man. Not exactly America’s ‘golden boy’ am I right?” 

“Yeah, nope. Nothing was mentioned.” Coulson replied weakly. 

“That’s because you guys are literally the second, third and fourth people to know. I’ve only told one person. Peggy Carter. So you’re all spies, so keep it to yourselves.” 

“Technically I’m not a spy.” Clint interjected. 

“Well you are now!” Fury told him. “Welcome to SHIELD Barton.” 

“Oh you’ve got to me shitting me.” 

**2006**

Bucky was passed out on his couch again. This time, it was a total accident. Well sort of. Bucky had been staying up recently all night to finish this great series that Clint recommended.  _ Harry Potter.  _ Which sucked because it wasn’t even finished. The final book was set to come out next year. 

His door being knocked at brought him out of his sleep, around the same time that his phone began ringing. 

He picked up the phone first.

“Hello?”

_ “Barton’s been compromised.”  _ Coulson told him with no emotion.

Bucky swore under his breath. “Shit, why?”

“ _ We sent him to retrieve the Black Widow. He deflected and is now working with her.” _

Bucky closed his eyes and thought,  _ Oh Clint, what have you done?  _ “How are you holding up Coulson?”

“ _ What is there to hold up? I’m fine. I’ll send you the details. Goodbye Barnes.” _

Coulson hung up, and Bucky put his head in his hands. Then he remembered the knock. Probably his older neighbor who was always asking for sugar. 

Sighing he went to open it, and found a gun at his head. 

“Natalia!” Clint Barton barked.

“Sorry.” The girl muttered in a thick russian accent.

“So I kinda messed up?” Clint told his sheepishly.

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” Bucky snapped. “I just got a call from Coulson, and now you’re here? Shouldn’t you be back at HQ?”

“Nat has a kill on sight order, and I think she could be brought it. She wants to deflect, we just gotta convince Coulson and SHIELD that.” 

“Alright, come in. But you better make the story fast before I call your boyfriend back.” 

Clint blushed but moved inside. Natalia cocked her head at her and kept her hands gripped on the gun. Bucky nodded approvingly. “Smart girl. You never know if I could attack. I won’t. Though I've got a gun on me.”

Natalia looked at him. “And three knives.”

Bucky laughed. “Clint, she is smart. I like her already. Come in Natalia.”

“I don’t like that name. Natalia Romanova. It reminds me of someone I am not.” 

Bucky nodded briskly. “You like Nat?” 

She wrinkled her nose. “It sounds weird when you say it.”

Bucky racked his mind with a sort of Russian names that start with ‘N’. “How about Natasha. Natasha Romanov? Dropping the ‘a’.” 

She thought about it for a second then nodded. Bucky gave her a soft smile. “Then welcome to my humble abode Natasha Romanov. Clint’s probably in the kitchen.”

He expected to hear a “hey!” but there was no answer. 

“Clint?” He called out worriedly. No answer. 

Bucky rushed to the kitchen to find Clint making a couple of sandwiches, humming to himself.  Bucky called out his name again. No answer. 

So he walked up and tapped Clint’s shoulder. He jumped. “Bucky! You scared me!”

Clint wasn’t looking at his eyes, but rather his lips. In an attempt to read them. Something happened on that mission and now Clint was deaf. Luckily, Bucky knew for certain that Clint knew sign language.

_ Do your ears hurt?  _ He signed. 

_ No. They’re still ringing a bit. _

_ I’ll get SHIELD on call okay? I’ll call Phil. _

_ Phil won’t want me. Not someone who deflected to bring someone that they thought was better in. Not some guy who is now deaf. _

_ Phil loves you, okay? He’s not gonna leave you.  _

_ You don’t know that. _

_ I do actually. Okay? Trust me. _

Natasha watched the exchange with a curious expression. Bucky stood up and faced the two. “We’re going to SHIELD. I’ll back you up. If anyone tries to shoot any of you, they’ll have to get through me. Let me get changed and we’ll be on our way.”

Bucky walked to his room, and pulled on his uniform. Grabbing his badge, that was issued by Director Carter, it gave him unlimited access to the HQ. He was allowed everywhere because he was Bucky Barnes.

Coming back into the kitchen, he found Clint teaching Natasha the ASL alphabet. He couldn’t help but smile at the Russian assassin, the Black Widow, trying to learn how to communicate with her new friend. 

“You two ready?” Bucky asked. Natasha looked up, causing Clint to look up also. He signed the message again, and Clint nodded a yes.

The three left the apartment and made their way to Bucky’s old car. It was updated for the modern world, but it was still the same old beat down car that Bucky had gotten back in ‘47. 

The car ride was silent, and Bucky took the back entrance, they parked his car in the parking lot and the three got out. Both Clint and Natasha looked terrified, or at least Clint did. Natasha looked nervous only in her eyes. 

Bucky went to the side of the trunk and popped it open, grabbed two handguns, loaded them before strapping them in. If they were taken, well he had another one hidden along with three knives. 

“Let’s go.” Bucky said grimly. 

The three of them walked to the Elevator and Bucky ushered them inside. As soon as Bucky swiped his card, his phone rang. “Barnes speaking.” He answered the call.

“ _ You didn’t need to come in. We have this under control.”  _ Fury replied.

Bucky gave a cold laugh. “I’ve cared for very little in my life and you know that Fury. I’m coming in.” 

“ _ I’m in the middle of a meeting. You can’t just come in.”  _

“Too late. We just arrived at your floor.”

“ _ We?” _

Bucky hung up, but he knew that Fury was going to come around the corner at any minute. Then, he saw him. Eye patch in all, with Coulson, a strike team with Rumlow, one of the new guys. 

“Hands where we can see them!” Fury barked. Natasha and Clint both raised their hands in surrender but Bucky refused. Pulling out one of his own handguns he loaded it and pointed it straight at Coulson's heart.

“Anyone who tried shooting these two, I will kill Coulson. I will not apologize for doing it either.” Bucky barked. 

Director Pierce made his way down the hall. “Can we help you, Mr. Barnes?” He asked calmly, hands in his pockets and looking calm. 

“It’s Sergeant Barnes.” Bucky snapped. “My name is Sergeant James Barnes of the 107th, and a member of the Howling Commandos. You do something dumb, I kill you. You kill one of mine, I come out to the public and dump SHIELD’s secrets onto the internet. I’m 100% sure that Director Peggy Carter would agree with me.” 

Pierce glared at him, and Coulson was fighting back a smile. Fury looking emotionless as always and the newbies/STRIKE team looking horrified. 

“Do you understand me.” Bucky demanded.

Silence. 

“I said, Do you UNDERSTAND me!” He yelled.

“Yeah, alright!” Fury yelled. “All of you stand down! Coulson, with me. STRIKE team leave now! Pierce, don’t you have better things to do?” 

Everyone stared at Fury. “What are you waiting for? Now!” 

**2008**

The past few years Bucky figured that every time his phone rang, something bad had happened. So when it rang on a day in 2008, Tony knew something had happened. 

“Hello?” He muttered into the phone, as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“ _ Bucky, it’s Rhodey _ .” 

“Oh hey Rhodey! Aren’t you supposed to be in Afghanistan with Tony, promoting Stark Industries weapons or something?” 

“ _ Tony got kidnapped.”  _

The coffee mug that Bucky had been holding with his left hand exploded. “What.” He said deadly calm.

Rhodey started crying. “Aw shit, Rhodey I’m sorry. Did you tell Coulson?” 

“ _ SHIELD’s on it, and I was wondering if you could help me out too?”  _

“I’ll walk the ends of the earth for that kid. Call me if you have any updates.” 

“ _ I will. I’m sorry Bucky. We had a fight, so he didn’t want to ride with me. Now he’s gone.”  _

“Hey, no it’s not your fault. It’s those bastards who kidnapped him. We’ll find him, okay?” 

“ _ Okay. Okay. We’ll find him.”  _ Rhodey trued reassuring himself. Bucky just felt bad for him. 

“Rhodey, I’ll do everything in my power, okay?” 

“ _ Okay. Thank you Bucky.”  _

“Keep in touch Rhodes.” With that Rhodey hung up, and Bucky tossed his phone on the couch. 

Silence filled the room, and Bucky put his head in his hands. Tony was kidnapped. The boy he saw as a son was kidnapped. 

Bucky let out a strangled sob and sank to his knees. Why, why did everything have to happen to him? What would Steve do? Steve would never give up looking for him. He’d never give up looking for Tony.

Bucky closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. It was time to look around. It was time to find out who had kidnapped Tony.

***

Pepper, Happy and Peggy were already at the airport when Bucky arrived. They all waited until Pepper started crying a bit, then they comforted her, and that’s when the plane landed.

Tony with Rhodey walked out. Tony made his way over to where Pepper and Happy were standing. Bucky and Peggy were standing behind, Peggy was old now. She carried her own chair and was sitting in it, holding onto Bucky’s arm to steady her. She was coming up on 90 in a few years. 

“Tears for your long lost boss?” Tony asked Pepper.

“I hate job hunting.” Pepper replied with a weak smile. 

“Hey kiddo.” Bucky said, and Tony stepped forward and buried his face in Bucky’s shoulder.

“Hey Buckaroo.” Tony broke the hug which was good because in Bucky’s opinion he would rather keep Tony as close as he could. 

“Aunt Peggy.” Tony moved onto Peggy next.

With difficulty she stood up and hugged Tony tightly.

“Hey Tony. Hope you didn’t get into too much trouble.” 

Bucky stared at the little blue glowing circle on Tony’s chest. “I think he already did.” Bucky managed to chuckle out. 

“Yeah well, wasn’t really my fault this time.” 

“I’ll accept that this time.” 

“Boss, you ready?” Happy Hogan called out.

“Yeah, lets go.” 

Tony gave them a backwards glance before heading into the car. Happy getting into the driver's seat and Pepper getting into the back with Tony. The door slammed and Peggy and Bucky watched as the car drove away.

Bucky offered his hand to Peggy. “Come on Pegs. Let's go home.”

***

Bucky was hanging out with Clint and Natasha, when it happened. Clint was freaking out about the Robot that was already all over the internet and the incident at Stark Industries. The media dubbed the robot as “Ironman” and Clint was signing so fast to go along with his babbling. 

Natasha was arguing with him and talking over him, so in response Clint just turned down his hearing aids. Real mature Clint, real mature. 

Bucky turned on the TV with an eye roll, and flipped through the channels before he came across one with the title “Tony Stark speaks out about attack on Stark Industries.” 

“Turn it up!” Clint yelped, as he turned his hearing aids up. 

Natasha shushed him, and they clearly were watching the end, because they watched as Tony held some note cards out. “The truth is.” He hesitated, before tossing the notecards aside. “I am Ironman.” 

**2010**

“Let me get this straight, you found a hammer, and nobody can move it? Tell me why that’s important?” 

“It could’ve fallen from the sky!” Fury argued across the desk from him. 

Bucky sighed and massaged his temples. “Still doesn’t mean you have to run laboratory tests on it!”

“It could be an alien, you know after the Skrulls and the Kree, I never liked things that fell from the sky. 

“I’m leaving, so have fun with that!” 

“I’m the director! I have fun with everything!” Fury yelled back chuckling. Only Bucky got to see him like this now a days. Kid was born in ‘50, yet even he was growing old. Yet Bucky was still young. Always was and always would be.

Hailing a taxi once he got out to the street, he told the driver to drop him off a few blocks away from Stark Tower. Once Bucky arrived, he knew that Tony would be in there, along with the now CEO Pepper Potts and of course his new assistant, whoever that might be.

Flashing a security badge he took the elevator to the top floor, after greeting JARVIS, the AI in the building.

Humming softly to himself and tapping his metal fingers on the side of the elevator, he finally made it to the Penthouse towards the top floor. He found Pepper and Rhodey talking in hushed voices and to his surprise Natasha Romanov with them.

“Bucky!” Pepper greeted warmly. “This is Tony’s new PA, Natalie Rushman.” 

Bucky gave the fakest smile he could muster. “Nice to meet you Miss Rushman.” He then turned to Pepper. “Where’s Tony?”

“In the workshop, doing who knows what. JARVIS?”

“I have already alerted sir.” 

“Thank you.” 

“He’ll see you know Mr. Barnes.” 

“Great! Miss Rushman can show me the way.” 

Natasha gave a small smile and motioned Bucky to follow her. As soon as the two of them were out of sight, Bucky grabbed her and slammed her against the nearby wall. “What the hell Nat? My nephew? Really?” 

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I’m here to assess if Stark is good enough for the Avengers Initiative.” 

“That’s not good enough!” 

“Fury sent me.”

“Still not an answer Natalia.” 

“You know he’s dying right? Or did he not tell you? He seems to forget to tell those he loves the most important things.” 

“So do you Natasha.” 

**2011**

When Bucky thought about Steve now a days, all his thoughts were regrets. Too many regrets to even still be in love. But Bucky still loved Steve. Always had and always would. 

You never fall out of love with your first love. You’ll always love them deep down and Bucky knew that. Natasha tried setting him up on dates but none of them were Steve. Steve was always enough, but Steve wasn’t there.

He watched people he knew grow old and people he loved die. His parents died a long time ago, yet he had moved on. Slowly, but he did. 

But why Steve? Why would Bucky never move on from Steve? He knew his parents longer, and he certainly loved them. But Steve, Steve Rogers was who he loved and was in love with.

His Stevie. The one who fought bullies, the one who laughed at the dumb things that Bucky did, and then would kiss him senseless for it. Steve the one who fought so hard to get into an art school, an angry ball of fire who pushed Bucky away when he was sick.

Steve, who tried so hard to get into the army, and refused to back down from a fight, no matter how hard it was. That was his Steve. His Steve who disobeyed orders just for him. To save him from Hydra.

That was his Stevie, and Bucky was never going to stop loving him.

**2012**

Bucky felt the building shake. He could feel it. His first thought was an earthquake, but judging by the screams, it was something much worse. 

Bucky didn’t hesitate. Throwing down his book and drowning his coffee, he sprinted to his room and got his uniform on, his knives, his handguns and of course a machine gun strapped to his back.

There was no reason for a mask, as he glanced down at it. Tony had made it for him after Bucky had to save Tony out of some awful situations over the past few years and Bucky still wanted his identity to be a secret. 

The media had dubbed him as The “Winter Soldier” which was a fitting name for a ghost. So with a split second decision, he grabbed the mask and put it on his face. All that could be seen was his eyes and his long tangled hair. He should’ve brushed it, but why would he do that?

Sprinting out of the building and into the streets of Manhattan, he could see what the problem was now. Aliens. Aliens were attacking New York.

Ironman suddenly flew past him and landed a few feet away. “Buck! Get out of New York! Now!” He yelled. “Please!” 

Tony never said please, but that didn’t matter. “I’m staying and I’m fighting. So don’t tell me no, tell me where to go.” 

“You see the aliens? Kill them.” Tony flew up and started shooting at this large one, and Bucky snarled under his breath. Loading one of his handguns, he shot a couple of the aliens before sprinting towards where Tony flew off too. 

Bucky shot aliens as he ran down the streets, ushered civilians out of harm's way, all while trying to figure out where the hell was Tony. 

He saw an arrow wiz past and hit an alien making him explode. Bucky glanced up. Clint. 

Running towards the building where the arrow was fired, he jumped, gaining 10 feet and proceeded to climb the rest. “Clint you idiot!” He yelled when he got to the top. 

“Oh! Hey! I could use some more roof help.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Who are we up against?” 

Clint pointed to a guy with a cape. “See him with the hammer? That’s Thor, his brother Loki is controlling the aliens. He mind controlled me for a bit. But I’m okay now.” 

“And Phil didn’t call me?” 

“Apparently not. I’ll ask him when I get back.” 

“Why didn’t anyone tell me, or call me in?” 

“Dunno. Must be because of the new Captain.” 

“Captain?” 

“Yeah, we have a new Captain America apparently. Haven’t talked to him much. He seems nice though.” 

“Makes sense. Cause he’s a knockoff. Don’t really like knockoffs.” 

Clint laughed and then fired two arrows. “I can see that about you.” 

Bucky ducked as a flying piece of debris came out of nowhere. Both he and Clint then stopped talking and started the real fight. The shot from high distances, and shot alien after alien. 

“We aren’t gonna win this!” Clint yelled into his comm. 

“Yeah no shit.” Bucky muttered. 

“Hey, so I have one arrow left.” Clint told Bucky and Bucky groaned.

“Use it to get out of here then!” 

“What about you?” 

“I’ll be fine!” Bucky yelled and he raced forward and jumped off the building, he saw Clint do the same just as it exploded. Slamming down on the hard ground was rough and Bucky groaned. He ached all over. He mask was still on luckily.

“Hey, you alright?” A new voice asked.

Hands were helping him up but he wavered and then someone yelling “Stark no!” 

Bucky snapped his eyes up. It was Tony carrying a nuke to the portal. A nuke. So this is how the damn Government repaid them. Bucky was going to have words when this was over. 

“Tony!” He screamed, but it was no use. Bucky felt just as helpless as he did back in 2008 when Tony was kidnapped. 

He could feel panic rushing in his veins so he moved to an alley to cry. To cry because he lost him. He lost Tony again. 

“Stark you son of a bitch.” He heard and then a loud roar. 

A few moments later, he heard him. “Yay, good job guys! We won!” 

Tony was alive. Bucky made no movements to move though. He’d meet up at Stark tower maybe. 

“Soldier?” Tony called out. Bucky glanced around the alley and froze. The Hulk, Thor, Clint and Tony were looking at him. But so was another face. Steve.

Steve. Steve. Steve. Steve was alive? But why didn’t anyone say anything? Why didn’t Fury call him? Why didn’t Coulson say anything? Why didn’t Tony? 

Bucky stepped out of the alley way and stared at the formed group. “Why?” He asked. Th question directed at Tony. 

“I—” Tony had no answer. So Bucky ran. For 70 years he waited for this moment. Now that it was finally here, all Bucky could do is run. But this time Bucky had a destination in mind.

***

“Good job Avengers!” 

Steve, Tony, Natasha, Clint and Bruce were sitting in a debrief room and Fury, Hill and other Agents were there with them. Bucky was watching from afar. Meaning there was a mirror and he was on the other side. 

Of course Fury actually had no idea that he was in there, Bucky just kinda snuck in. 

So Bucky waited. He watched the meeting start. Then Clint being told of Phil’s death. He watched the meeting go on, and on and on, until finally the “Avengers” were dismissed. It was just Fury in the room, so Bucky made his move. Pouncing out hi grabbed Fury and shoved him against the wall put his forearm on Fury’s neck. 

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Bucky demanded furiously.

“Tell you what?” Fury asked.

“Don’t play me like a fool Nick. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

“I want him and you focused on the mission.” 

“So you forced him to become one of your pets and didn’t tell him that I was alive? How long ago did you find him?”

Fury didn’t answer so Bucky pulled out a knife. “I said how long!” 

“Three weeks.” Fury admitted. “He’s been awake for three weeks.” 

“Fury you Son of a Bitch.” 

“Your boy’s right out there, you sure you want him to hear you swearing?” 

“That’s the difference between you and me as that you see Captain America. I see Steve Rogers.” 

Bucky removed his forearm and then proceeded to build a death glare onto Fury. “You broke my trust. It’s going to be a long time before you can even start fixing it. You just lost me as your friend Fury. I’m not helping you anymore. I won’t.” 

Fury for once was silent, although he glared at Bucky a bit, but Bucky was fully justified in what he was doing. 

“Well?” Fury finally asked. 

“Well what?” Bucky snapped. 

“Your man’s out there. You’ve waited 70 years. Go be with him you idiot!” 

Bucky quietly dropped his hands to his sides, and pushed the conference door open. Natasha was the closest. “Зима?” ( _ Winter)  _ She asked confusingly. Bucky nodded softly. 

Natasha smiled. “Иди за ним.” ( _ Go get him)  _ Bucky didn’t need to be told twice. He had waited 70 years for this. He walked forward and into the room. Clint opened his mouth to say something, maybe to stop him, but Natasha shot him a glare so he shut up. 

Steve was chatting with Tony and when Tony saw him, he immediately headed his way. “I am so sorry, I should have told you, but that was stupid and,”

“Tony please shut up.” Bucky asked. 

Tony did, luckily. But Steve was already turning around. “Bucky?” He asked softly, almost like he couldn’t believe it. 

“Hey punk. Heard you got into some trouble. At least it isn’t an alleyway this time. Am I right?”

Steve shot forward and suddenly Bucky was being gathered up in the arms of the one person he ever loved. Bucky buried his face into Steve’s shoulder and blinked back heavy tears that were threatening to fall. He saw the faces of Natasha, Clint and Tony, who all looked happy for him. Really happy.

After 70 years, Bucky was back in the arms of the man he loved and Steve was clutching onto him like he would disappear again. “Your here.” Steve muttered into his ear.

“Yeah Stevie I am. I’m not going anywhere, alright?” 

“How long has it been for you?” 

“70 years darling. 70 years too long. But hey, times have changed.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked as he pulled away from the hug.

“Yeah.” Bucky replied and then surged forward and kissed him. 

“YES!” Tony yelled, but Bucky paid no attention. Loud cheers echoed around them and people were laughing talking, but Bucky couldn’t care.

Steve’s lips were warm, his hair was just the same as Bucky remembered 70 years ago. Steve pulled away first which was good because Bucky didn’t have the strength too. 

“Real cute, but can we leave now?” Tony whined. 

They all laughed and Natasha threw her arm around Clint who gave a half hearted smile, and Bucky knew why. He just wanted to go home and cry over the loss of Phil. 

So Bucky being the little shit he was turned and faced Fury. “Hey Fury!”

“Yes Mr. Barnes?” 

“Call me, and actually call me when you Phil recovers fully, will you?”

Fury just looked at him angrily but Bucky smirked. Natasha grabbed a gaping Clint and Tony grabbed Bruce and the six of them marched out of the helicarrier. 

Steve took Bucky’s hand in his and they both smiled at each other.

“You know there’s a lot more saving to do around here. The world needs Captain America.” Bucky told Steve as they boarded the jet. 

“And who do you need?”

Bucky blushed. “I think I can live with a little punk called Steve Rogers.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll be Steve Rogers for a bit. It’ll be fun.”

Bucky laughed. “Darling, there is so much to catch you up on.”

“You’ll teach me then?”

Bucky smiled. “I’ll teach you anything you want sweetheart, as long as you’re here.” 

“Then I’ll be here for as long as you need me.” 

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

“I love you, you stupid punk.”

“Love you to Jerk.” Steve grinned at Bucky and Bucky couldn’t help but lean up and kiss him. 

Steve laughed into the kiss and Tony through something at them. “Oi, lovebirds! Sit down! We’re about to take off.”

“Where too?” Natasha asked, and they all turned and faced Bucky. 

“Home. It’s time for us to go home.” 

****  
  


_ fin.  _


End file.
